Liars

A soldier went to his C.O., a colonel, and askd leave to go home because his wife was ill.
"I don't like to refuse, John," said the CO, "but as a matter of fact, I've just had a letter from your wife saying she was allright now and, therefore, leave is not necessary".
The man saluted and turned to go. At the door he stopped, turned and remarked: "Colonel, there are two whopping liars in this regiment, and I'm one of them. I'm not married".